When people asked me if I was not scare of being put under general anesthesia three times a week for four weeks. In reality, my biggest fear was continuing to be a living dead. I was tired and so depressed that I didn’t had the energy to hurt myself. I know it’s funny, but it is the truth. I was used to the sadness and simply not being able to be happy, but when the anxiety kicked in, I thought I was not going to make it. I was jittery all the time. My speech started to suffer and I started stuttering. I felt my heart in my throat on the regular. I couldn’t complete any phrase without having a panic attack in my brain. Did I mention all I do at work is talk to customers over the phone? I needed to take a leave of absence, recommended by my manager at that time.
In April 2025, I returned to Park Royal Hospital, where I was Baker Acted and admitted 6 years ago and stayed for 7 days. In this escenario I wanted to be part of group to hear others deal with their ghosts. I attended a couple of days, but was pulled aside by two angels that God sent my way: Dayana and Melanie. They evaluated me and introduced me to the ECT or Electroconvulsive Therapy. KEEP READING! Yes. It’s therapy with electricity, BUT it has given me a new desire to stay alive and repurpose myself. There is openness in my thoughts. There is still the tendency to miss being sad and feeling guilty, but now I can say that it is OK not to be sad and don’t feel guilt about it.
Dayana, thanks for leading my journey. “I have seen miracles happen there”. Since day one I believed in the treatment because of the passion and care in your voice. “We're going to take away those sad little eyes”, you said, looking at me with a level of compassion that changed everything for me. You are the boss and the heart of that unit. My eyes are remembering how to smile.😊
Melanie, your level of care, your diligence and your kind nature soothes the nervousness and anxiety for the unknown. Hearing you greet everybody by their name and celebrating that we made it to treatment is encouraging and inspiring. No surprise you have that Dominican blood. 🇩🇴
Dr. Seike, you and your humor is a fresh sip of water in the formula. You ask the questions and pay attention so I know what’s happening next. You made me want to wear shoes more often. 👟
Dr. Aleem, your demeanor projects in me the confidence of a person, not a doctor, a person who has invested their life in looking into this edgy treatment to make people’s life better. I feel calm and at peace with you treating me. I see the satisfaction of my progress in your subtle smile. Thank you. ❤️
Mike, I enjoy our conversations about our kids and I can feel your love for yours on how you defend them even from your own comments. You always show excitement about anything new that I share. I really value that. 💪🏻
Peggy, you are a light and If you ever felt that I was the one shinning, remember the relationship between the moon and the sun. You help a sad gray rock to be seen as shinny. Thank you for all the love you express when you speak. I have felt it and I have treasured every single word. ☀️
Karen, you and I know that my sickness is not only physical, but also spiritual. You added another dimension to my time in the hospital and really challenged me to keep my faith. I enjoy every conversation because of your attention to details and wise words. Oh, no adhesive please. 🤣
Zane, it makes me happy every time you are the one looking for me in the lobby. I feel cared for and I value how you make sure I am comfortable every step of my treatment. I treasure our chats in the parking lot when I am super loopy and we are just waiting confused as of why the Uber is not here if they said 5 minutes. You are admirable. My veins pop just to see you coming with the IV. 💉
Tyrah, you’re cool and super easy going. Quiet, but checking all the boxes to build your career. That’s inspiring and it makes me know I’m in good hands. Thank you. 🤓